Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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