ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
