I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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