I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
