Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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