My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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