Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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