I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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