After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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