Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
