He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
