Umm I'm too high to move.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The air was thick with penises
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
