just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
