this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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