a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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