Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
