Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
