People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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