Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
