Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
