I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I did not marry a roomba.
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