using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
