Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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