A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
