the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
