your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
