I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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