I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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