my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
