connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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