I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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