I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
