its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
