from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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