my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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