Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
