So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
