why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
