have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
