Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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