everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
