need another drink. this is the easiest way
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
