where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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