I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
