i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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