My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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