so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
