His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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