Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
