I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
