matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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