If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
