he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
