had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize