I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize