I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
