do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
