theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
