Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
