my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
