walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
