I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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