____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize