I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
