Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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