the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
