So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
