You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
