did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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