ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
