I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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