He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
