...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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