I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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