That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
