Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
