I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
