Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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