I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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