i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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