If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
