you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
