Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
