I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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