Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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