I'm gonna have a badass scar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
