I could have mohawked her pubes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's shark week go big or go home
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
